Accidental Sidechick

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This is a story of that awkward moment when you realize you’ve been parading yourself as a peacock when you are actually a chick. A side chick.

2012 was a rocky year for me in the dating circle. I made up my mind to stop dating regular boys and go for “church” boys instead. Maybe, just maybe they will have small sense. Little did I know that the devil wasn’t ready to get his hands off my case. He carefully wrapped one of his agents in the guise of a church boy and sent him my way.

A hungry me was walking down to the hostel one night when I heard angels singing. For a second, I thought we were experiencing pre-rapture performance. Except that the singing was coming from one man. Or should I say guy? I silently wowed at how sonorous his voice was and continued my waka. Then I heard, “excuse me.” I turned and behold, it was the heavenly-voiced choir master himself. “You look familiar.” He said. At this point, I had no idea that was one of the hottest pick up lines in town. So I smiled like a fish and told him he had mistaken me for someone else. He then told me his name, said he was on his way to fellowship and collected my number. That night he called me and I was in heaven. I kept fantasizing about how good looking he was; his shiny-fair complexion, his jet-black “jerry curls”, and lord…those pink lips.

This devil is a wicked devil sha. Knowing fully well fine guys were my weakness, he sent one my way and blocked all forms of reasoning in me. In a week, I had followed him to Sunday service, Holy Communion, Tuesday prayer meeting, Thursday cell meeting and even Saturday choir practice. He would call me every morning to know if I had read the devotional he gave me and at night to remind me to pray before I sleep. I fell yakata for this guy. Did I mention he was also the church pianist and a gospel musician? I had found my prince charming! or so i thought.

The next week was Easter so we went to a popular park here in Lagos. I can never forget that evening as we sat in the grass watching the kids play around. I was low-key choosing our baby names. J.M passed his phone to me. “Pick one.” He said. I looked at it. he had written, “I want you to be my; friend, sister, best friend, girlfriend, lover.” “Finally,” I screamed in my head. I deleted the rest and left “girlfriend”. Uncle smiled and then kissed me. It was at this point yours truly lost her last bit of common sense.

The week after, I invited him to my place. My mum has met virtually all my boyfriends (which by the way is a really high number. Right now, she’s tired of me and thinks i’m not serious with my life. shrugs.) I was also planning a birthday bash for my 20th birthday and by default, my new found, upcoming-artiste boyfriend said he would perform on that day. I was swoon.

Two days later was the day breeze was blown and we saw the yansh of fowl. I had no idea what pushed me to his Facebook page. I kept on scrolling and scrolling, reading the comments and all. There was nothing to see yet I didn’t stop. Then I saw a comment. “I miss you baby.” My heart was beginning to do tum-tum. The FBI in me would not allow it rest so I slid into her inbox and messaged her. “Wow, are you and J.M dating?” she replied, “yes”. Alarms went off in my head. I called J.M and asked him who J.F was. He said she was his brother’s fiend in Kano who liked him but they only spoke once. He was so convincing that I was mad at her for trying to snatch my boyfriend. So I went back to her inbox and told her to leave my boyfriend alone. I was busy flexing chest for a boyfriend that wasn’t even up to a week old! Are they not doing me like this? Then she dropped the bombshell. They had been dating for 8 months. Funkeeee!!!! Aye mi temi bami. I did not know when my eyes turned to water factory.

I left home for school (school was on break though), cancelled my birthday plans without telling anyone why. From there, I gathered all the party money and traveled to Ife without my parents knowing. I was trying to run away from the heartbreak and needed a new environment. The next day after I arrived in OAU, I was in the café checking my last semester’s result when I saw J.F had posted something on my Facebook wall. She went to my wall to call me all sort of names, said she had spoken to J.M and he told her I was the one who forced myself on him. To add insult to the injury, she ended with “Thank you for taking care of my man while I was gone. Now I’m back, you can leave.” I was on a call and the moment I read it, the phone in my hand fell and scattered on the floor. The guy beside me kept asking, “Are you okay?” I couldn’t say a word. The betrayal of trust combined with the insults just hit me where it hurt the most. My water factory started running again. “Is it your result? Was it bad?” He had heard me talking about it with my friend over the phone. I shook my head no. “Then what is it? Why are you crying?” Like a zombie, I pointed at my Facebook wall. I still couldn’t find the words to say. I sat there, mummified as he helped me gather the pieces of my phone, logged me out of the computer and took me by the hand. I couldn’t even feel my legs as we walked out of the cafe.

The guy then took me to a cafeteria, bought me zobo and doughnut, gave me time to recuperate then patiently listened to my story. He went on to spend the whole day with me (lol. I’m going to write a spin off about this cos it was magical). It took me a while to recover from the experience. I had never felt that level of betrayal before. I was heartbroken, I was shocked, I was disappointed. If I can be duped by a church boy, biko who could I trust? He’s the reason I have never stepped into any branch of his church again. I also stopped trusting church boys especially those who have “jerry curls”. Hahahaha.

Have you ever been in such situation? Either as a side chick or side dude? How did you find out? How did you respond to it?

Please, share your experience in the comments.

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Misunderstood

Ever since his father bequeathed the seat of the CEO to Kunle, he quit being the loving man she had known and married. All he seemed interested in was hanging out with the league of big boys or throwing luxury parties in the house. For the past six months, he had been fixated on taking potential investors on a personal tour on all the company’s branches across the country. She couldn’t even remember the last time he touched her or really saw her. They had become strangers. The only time he seemed to remember she existed was when he need her for a public appearance. She had been reduced to an arm candy. Or trophy wife. Whichever one suited. It’s true that money and power brings out the real character of a man.

Banke crossed one long leg across another as she tried to ignore the loud discussions from the men at the other side of the garden. Kunle was hosting another one of his parties and he had some big names in attendance. He had instructed her to babysit the wives while the men talked. She was fuming with anger as she watched the women give one not-so-genuine compliment after the other. She knew they all thought she was too young to be in their league. The league of women married to billionaires. She didn’t care. She just wanted this party to be over with. She rolled her eyes as she saw Kunle’s PA approach her.

“What is it again?” She asked, irritated. Emmanuel bent towards her and whispered something in her ears. With each word, her grip on the wine glass tightened and eventually shattered.
“Tell Kunle I will do no such thing.” Ignoring the bleeding cuts in her hand, the gasps and questions of are-you-alright from the women, she rose from her chair, gathered her flowing Champagne dress and headed into the mansion. She wasn’t going to let these bunch of gossips see her tears as they rolled down her face.

Staring at her mascara-smeared face in the mirror, she remembered the words that had been whispered to her. “The boss said you should come over for a minute so he can show off your beauty to the men.”
She sniffed and wiped off the tears from her cheek. Kunle had ignored her, abandoned her, relegated her to nothing but a party host and now he was going to disrespect her by showing her off to a crowd of men. Has she been reduced to the same level with his cars and jewelry he loved to show off? Who exactly does he think he his?

She knew how enraged he would be by the time the report got back to him that she declined. Kunle was a man with a pride bigger than the nine planets combined and he hated being turned down. But that was the height of it. She would no longer tolerate him because that’s what she had been doing. Tolerating. Whatever decision he made, she was ready. She had a secret account he didn’t know about, a house she had secretly built stashed with a few vehicles. She had had enough and was ready to walk. This was no longer a marriage. It was slavery and she would emancipate herself come what may.

She, Oluwabanke will not be any man’s plaything.

This story was inspired by Queen Vashti in the book of Esther. I was studying the first chapter and said to myself, what if Vashti wasn’t really a bad person? What if King Xerxes had not been good to her and she was just fed up with the whole thing? I really wish we heard her side of the story. I don’t want to completely accept she was proud. I hope to make this a thing though. Writing stories about the seemingly bad girls of the Bible in what could seem like their own side of the story.

Thank you for reading and don’t forget to like, comment and share.

Disappearing Act

I’ve had a fever all day and as I lay in bed wondering how long it would take water to boil on my skin, I remembered an incident that happened when I was a kid.

We had a hospital in our compound there were always constant visits there. Whenever I had a fever, I noticed the nurse will put something under my armpit and it made me tickle because of how cold it was. One day, I saw my mum use one of those on my younger brother at home. So I decided whenever she goes out, I’d take it and put it under my armpit. I noted where she hid it in her wardrobe.

On this blessed day, I went there and picked it. It was inside a kind of thick brown tube. I didn’t know how it worked so I just jerked a part of it off and kpakam! That’s how the thermometer fell and broke. For a moment, I went to heaven and back. I knew I was as good as dead. So, I went on my knees and looked at the damage. I saw tiny silver balls that I tried putting back into the tube but yinmu. I then took the broken pieces, put it back in the case and went to hide it where no one will ever find it.

When my mum started looking for it, I pretended like I was shocked at the disappearance and even joined her in looking for it. Let’s just say the mystery of the missing thermometer was never solved.

Do you think I should go and confess my sins now that she cannot beat me again? 😋😋😋
Who else has been in these kind of situation and what crime did you commit, let’s know ourselves. 😂😂😂

Noodle Scam

I woke up this morning really hungry and this time, it’s noodles with a PhD that came to my mind. I’m just here salivating in the staff meeting. 😂😂😂

Who remembers those early noodles adverts where they will put just one 70g noodles in a big pot of water and voila, by the time it’s done, the pot will be full? Well, my mum fell for it. She did the same and was expecting abracadabra to happen. Only that she ended up with a pot of water sprinkled with noodles. 😂😂😂

She told me this story when I was much younger. Who else has fallen for false advertising? Please share your story let us laugh together. 😂😂😂
📷: @myactivekitchen

Shawarma Tales

I was in church this evening when the devil came and planted the image of shawarma in my head. Yes, I know it’s the devil because that was all I could think of through the service. It was so bad that before the Pastor even closed the service, I was already googling shawarma spots around. I was silently praying I’d find one of #500. (That moment you are managing but still want to kill yourself with enjoyment 🤣🤣🤣).

I eventually found one for #650 and I happily added to cart only to find out delivery was #500. 😱😱😱 Please, am I buying shawarma or shawarma is buying me? 😂😂😂 I left the church and determined I’d find a way. That’s how I spotted one Mr Biggs. Me that I have not visited Mr Biggs since second World War ended. My head was telling me just be going but my heart said, “seek shawarma and you shall find.” I walked in. Lo and behold, I saw shawarma on the menu. And then they broke my heart. It wasn’t available. I finally settled for chicken pie. Big mistake.

Firstly, the pies were flat like igbobi signboard. 😭😭😭 Then I took a bite and fought tears. It would have been better for me to buy chicken and gala, mould it like shawarma and eat in faith. All I was eating was onions and gross carrot. Let’s not even Start with the oil. It’s enough to cook party jollof. Now Belle dey turn person. 😒😒😒

Just when I thought I’d get to the lodge and rest after a really long day, I realised I didn’t take my key out and my roomie isn’t in. Here I am typing this, sitting on the floor in the corridor. At least, Mr Biggs was useful for one thing. I’m sitting on their nylon.

😁😁😁

A Country of Extraordinary Ghosts by Onyeka Nwelue

A country of Extraordinary Ghosts is one book that will shock the average Nigerian with the lax recurring sex theme. A few steps away from being an erotica, it’s really daring for a Nigerian author seeing as sex is one word that has been demonized in our communities. We like to act like it’s not happening yet I wonder why almost every corner store sells condoms. Anyways, don’t get too (sexually) excited though. Some parts of this book will have you cringing and wishing you could make some heads roll.

This book is narrated by a boy who lived in the ancient land of the Biblical Sodom. His name is The Traveller. Ermmm, well that’s not his name but that’s what I choose to call him since he was nameless all through the book. Like every citizen of that city, he lived an illicit life. One day, every one and everything he knows are taken from him as the city suffered a mass invasion. He was the lone survivor who was lucky enough to hop on a train right before it could leave him behind. The train came to a stop in modern day Lagos and was nice enough to drop him at Ajegunle before vanishing. Lol. Speak of your sins following you everywhere you go.

While he was looking lost and disoriented, He was befriended by a boy named Bolu. Bolu listen to him and thinks he’s crazy. He then offers to help him and takes him to a man known as Doctor. Doctor used to be a Professor of Psychology before he was dismissed for his unusual researches. Nameless was not the first ancient-man-in-modern-world he had encountered. He offered to help him and the Time Traveller settled in, befriending doctor’s little girl, Tini.

While he was thousands of years away from Sodom, the Sodom in him remained intact. In no time, he had blended into the ghetto life. It was no different from every other day in Sodom. He gets into trouble, lands in the police cell and is bailed out by a Reverend father on visitation. The story gets heated from there on.

The book is quite entertaining but it pretty much leaves you in a knot. I tried patching up the stories like a crossword puzzle maybe it would reveal itself but I got nothing. I concluded the author either wrote a pretty twisted psychological story or he released the first draft of the book. You know, that one you never want anyone to read because you feel it quite hasn’t come together.

For one I couldn’t ascertain the age range of the narrator. Sodom was destroyed when he was 10 and I can’t imagine a 10 year old committing all that atrocity he had recorded. And not to mention the book ended abruptly. There was no closure, no clue what his fate ended up to be, no hint if we’d be expecting a follow up story. There was a mention of a psychiatric hospital at the beginning but nothing in the story linked back to it. It was like reading a book only to get to the last page and realise some pages have been torn away.

One thing I really applaud is the fact that the author touched one topic people treat like leprosy and avoid a lot. And that’s the issue of child sexual abuse and sexual vices by religious people who are seemingly supposed to be celibate in their service to God. Lol. He shook that table Sha. I almost forgot, animals talked in this book. Cool right?

It’s a good read. But if you are like me who likes to get to the bottom of a matter, be ready for a sleepless night or two. My brain is still restless as I’m still trying to figure out what Onyeka Nwelue was up to in that book.

Enjoy.

Victims

Tola is a brilliant nine year old girl. For five years, she had received the “Overall Best Student” award in her class. She loved to sing, dance and act. Her dream was to become a popular actress like the women she watches on TV. Tola only gets time to spend time with her mum on the weekends because her banking job keeps her from home till late. By this time, Tola would have been fast asleep.

Today, she was excited because her Uncle was coming to babysit her while her mum would be away for a week. She was going for an out-of-town job training. She loved her uncle because he didn’t make her feel odd. Her friends and even her mum had laughed at her dream to be an actress. But her Uncle had encouraged her and had began to give her acting lessons.

***

Bayo considered turning down the offer but he couldn’t. Big sis had taken up the role of a parent when they lost theirs in a plane crash. She had given an arm and a leg to see him to where he was today. Few weeks from now, he would be going to law school. He owed big sis a lot and it would seem odd because he didn’t have a concrete reason to turn her down as he wasn’t occupied with anything. He let out a big sigh as he stepped down from the Uber and approached the gate. He could hear her voice from the inside. It seemed she was ready to leave. Moreover, it was too late to turn back as the gate man opened the gate and called out his name in excitement.

***

She couldn’t concentrate in class, she wouldn’t talk or play with anyone. All she wanted to do was go home. Her teacher thinking she was ill took her to the sick bay. It turned out she was perfectly fine. No one could tell the reason for her strange behavior. As soon as the school closed for the day, she was the first person to run to the school bus. She folded her arms and tapped her foot impatiently waiting for it to fill up. She was getting more irritated the more the seconds passed.

***

He groaned as he turned in bed. Groping around for his phone, he unlocked it. It was 4:15pm. Bolting up, he realised she would be back any time soon. For some reason, he broke out in a sweat as he grabbed his joggers from the edge of the bed and put it on. He reached into his gym bag and brought out a tank top to wear. He didn’t want to walk around the house half naked. Maybe, just maybe that would deter her a little. Dragging himself to the kitchen, he opened a pack of orange juice and drank straight from it. In that instant, he heard the horn.

***

“Is he here?”
The gate man nodded and before he could say any other thing, she dashed off to the house, dropping her bag by the entrance as soon as she got in.
“Uncle Bayo!” She called out. As she was about climbing the stairs, she saw him come out from the kitchen.

***

Putting on a fake smile, he stepped out of the kitchen as soon as he heard her voice. She turned and shrieked as she ran to him. Picking her small form up, he spun her around and she giggled.
“How are you niece?” He wasn’t prepared for the response he got.

***

How can he be asking how I am? Can he not see I’ve missed him so much?, she thought.
“Uncle Bayo I’ve missed you. I miss our acting classes. Especially that thing we are always doing in your room. I’ve been waiting for the day you’d come back.” She grinned as she teased him down below with her leg.

***

Bayo gently placed her down and fell back against the wall. Looking into her seemingly innocent eyes, the reality dawned on him. Now he knew what his sister had meant when she said Tola was insisting it was him who would baby sit her. She didn’t want any nanny.
“Go to your room first.” As he watched her skip towards the stairs happily, he fell to the floor with his hands on his head. He couldn’t stop the tears flowing down his eyes as he recalled how it all started.

***

It was his second semester break after he came visiting. His sister had gone for a similar job training and had encouraged him to come babysit. She said it would help clear his head. A day after his last paper, his girlfriend of five years had told him she was leaving him for someone else. Her reason was she had fallen out of love with him a long time ago. He had drowned himself in alcohol on the first night and was crying when Tola had walked in. She joined him and in a child like manner told him to stop crying. Then she started jumping on him to cheer him up and make him play with her. Weirdly he began to have an erection. In his intoxicated state, he placed her hand on the bulge and told her if she wanted to make him happy, she should play with it.
He had no memory of what had happened the night before until Tola came to his room in the morning before leaving for school. She had told him not to be sad and not to worry, that she would be there to make sure he’s happy. Before she stepped out, she pointed at his groin.
“Is it okay?”
Bayo scowled and wanted to know why she was asking.
“It was bringing out something like catarrh yesterday night.”
Shock was spread all over his face as it all came rushing back. He closed the distance between them and made her promise to never tell anybody what happened.
“It would make me sad again if you do. You don’t want to see me sad, do you?” She nodded sideways.

After she left for school, Bayo began to piece back as much as he could remember. He felt ashamed for what he had done. He swore never to drink again. But that night he broke his promise when he saw his ex had uploaded a picture with her new boo. That night, Tola came again to make him happy. The third night, he was sober. This time, Tola just wanted to play with it. He told her it was wrong but she wouldn’t listen. She began to cry and he got scared she’d attract the attention of the neighbors. He couldn’t risk her telling them why she was crying. So, he let her have her way. This continued every night while he was there. He was ashamed of what he had done. But more importantly, he was ashamed of the fact that he had enjoyed it every single time.

***

That was four years ago. He had made her promise to keep their illicit act to herself. He made sure she’d keep to it by buttressing the fact that she’d never be an actress if people found out. Ever since then, he had tried as much as he could to avoid visiting his sister. He had realised that her presence in the house didn’t stop Tolu from coming into his room at night under the pretence that she wanted him to read her a story. She had become addicted to it. He was in too deep. If he refused her and this got out, he’d never be able to practice as a lawyer. He probably won’t even be able to go to law school as he’d be marked a sex offender for life. His career would be destroyed even before it kicks off.

***

Tolu eased herself out of her school uniform. She was excited that she’d finally spent time alone with her Uncle. It had been a long time and she missed playing with him. She tried playing with that of her neighbor’s son when he came over for a play date but his was as small as the carrots the aboki down the street sold. She was anxious for nightfall as she couldn’t wait to practice what she had learned while he away.

***

He dragged himself off the floor, wiped the tears off his face and made for the stairs. It would be dark soon. He had created a monster and now he had no choice but to feed it.

***

Tola like many other Nigerian children has fallen victim of child sexual abuse. In some cases, these children have begun to enjoy these acts and even practice these things with other children.

It was reported by UNESCO in 2015 that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 10 boys in Nigeria will be sexually abused before they turn 18. Unfortunately, only about 3%-5% of these cases are reported. Educate your children.

Death by Train

“Death by train.” This is what would have been making the rounds among my friends after the news of my death has broken out.

This happened when I was in my year two in college. I had this crazy friend I was always rolling around school with. One day, he suggested we took the train from Yaba to Agege instead of taking Iyana-Ipaja bus from Jibowu. He told me we had to get there by 6pm and he assured me we would get seats on the train. I was really excited about the thought of entering a train because that was going to be my first time plus I love adventures. I had began to imagine me climbing the stairs with grace, cat walking down the aisle, sitting by the window (I love window seat any day), enjoying the view all through the ride blah blah. I had forgotten I wasn’t in Yankee. Too much reading has instilled some kind of mindsets in me. In my early days of writing, I had people telling me my writing was too western. Na them sabi. 😂😂😂

Anyways, back to the gist. We got there by some minutes past six and the train hadn’t arrived. I was bubbling, pacing the side of the tracks, stretching my neck to see when my express train would come carry me off to wonderland. Yinmu. When people began to speed off the tracks, grabbing their wares and stuff, I realised the train was approaching. I was busy grinning from ear to ear. Only for the train to arrive and we started hearing, “no space, no space”.

That was the first time of seeing a train up close and people were hanging out from every hole, sitting on the train and stuff. I looked at my friend like, “Uhn, are we expecting another one.” He then said we should go take a regular bus but I insisted I wanted to follow the train since we were already there. We managed to secure a spot by the door, barely holding on to anything. I was scared but I was forming hard, hard guy. 🤣🤣🤣As soon as the train started running, I knew I had made the worst decision of my life. I am scared of heights and hanging off a moving train was like a death sentence.

Somewhere along the journey, two guys in front of me started arguing. One was the fare collector, the other, a passenger. The argument got really heated and the next thing I heard was “ma ti iya subu kuro ninu train yi.” Meaning I will push you out of this train. 😲😲😲 Ehn? Push keh. You people should not try to be unfortunate. This guy was directly in front of me and pushing him would mean me falling out. They started exchanging blows and like play, like play the fare collector started to push this guy. It was then I realized I was the one in the unfortunate position. 🙆🙆🙆I didn’t have a strong grip. My friend too wasn’t standing in a very good spot. If I slip, no one would be able to grip me. I started wondering if it’s just my legs the train would crush or my whole body. In my mind I started crying. Is this how I would just die like that? Why didn’t I go and pursue my normal danfo? 😭😭😭

I started shouting, people around me were also trying to calm the two men down. But you know Agberos. If they haven’t drawn blood, they would not rest. I could feel my feet slipping from the edge. I had to pray to God to save me from the two mad men who didn’t seem to care that they were about to kill someone’s daughter. They eventually stopped fighting and we got to agege not too long after. I was too traumatized I couldn’t even say a word. My evil friend was just laughing at me. It wasn’t even funny and I have done idea why he found any of it funny. I could have died! 😡😡😡 At that moment I was too shocked to be upset.

I’ve never stepped foot in a train since then. Emi ko.

What’s your worst experience using a public transport system?

The Messenger

Chief Edgar leaned back in his chair as he listened to the other person on the line. It was a typical busy day for him and the fact that he paid people to monitor his numerous projects didn’t stop him from getting involved personally. Sometimes you’d wonder why he bothered. He was speaking to his clearing agent at the Apapa sea port and as usual, illegal transactions were taking place.
“You’ve given me your word that custom will not intercept my container, bah?”
“Yes sir.” The voice responded. “As a matter of fact, they will have no clue what we are bringing into the country.” Chief laughed, his big stomach bobbing up and down behind the finely polished olive table.
“It’s alright. I will see you.” That was another way of saying, “payment is coming your way.”
Chief ended the call and smiled to himself. To the world, he was a prominent business man who imported furniture parts and put them together to be sold. Only few people really knew that his major source of income was by importing arms and ammunition and selling them to the same rebel groups he would go on TV to condemn. He began to invest his blood money in various companies just to cover up for his increasing wealth. To the world, he was a staunch Christian who did all he could to move the “ministry” forward, mostly financially. He had to turn down a title in church because it would have ruined his chance of picking up a chieftaincy title, one he now boldly displayed. But only few people knew that he had a fetish for taking advantage of small boys sexually. No one dared to come out and speak against him because of who he was. He was the type of man that could make a whole village disappear in the blink of an eye.
As he scrolled down the pedophilia website he had secretly joined, he began to feel a bulge in his pants. Little did he know people had been watching.
* * * *
Caleb sat in the well air conditioned reception. He locked eyes with the receptionist for the umpteenth time. He gave her a smile, which was getting weaker with each encounter. If only she knew how thrown off he was by the grand exposure of her ample bosom. He was tempted to take off his jacket and cover her up but she could end up trying to seduce him in the process. He shook his head and patted the hidden pocket in his suit to be sure the message he brought was still there. He was nervous. This was going to be a tough one but it had to be done. He had no idea why he had been chosen when there were bigger guys in the game. “It’s your chance to do something big for the organization.” the boss had said. He looked at the two huge security agents standing by the double doors to the office and cleaned the perspiration off his forehead. He was beginning to lose morale. I hope I survive this, he thought.

* * * *

Chief Edgar looked at his limited edition rose gold Rolex wristwatch. He had twenty minutes before going for a lunch meet. Then he recalled a certain gentleman had requested his presence and had termed it urgent. He picked up his intercom.
“Hello sir.” He loved to hear the voice of his receptionist. If not that he didn’t mix business with pleasure, he would have…
“Yes, that young man, is he still there? ”
“Yes sir.”
“And he still hasn’t told you why he is here? ”
“No sir.”
He paused.
“Alright. Send him in.”

* * * *

“You can go in. ”
Calen sighed in relief and thanked her. He could feel his heart thumping against his chest. If this deal went wrong, that was it for his company. Everybody was going down. He tried to smile at the two gentlemen but the scowl on their faces was enough to turn a man to stone. He swallowed the lump in his throat and gently pushed the double doors.

* * * *

“Ah… You are the one looking for me. ”
“Yes sir.” Caleb replied, hoping Chief didn’t notice his nervousness by the crack in his voice.
“Sit.”
He sat and with shaky hands brought out the tiny black box in his pocket. Chief didn’t take a look at it instead he kept his gaze on him. Caleb was beginning to get uncomfortable. He had heard rumours that Chief Edgar “liked” Little boys and did nasty things to them. He hoped the old man wasn’t thinking that way with him. He cleared his throat and Chief snapped back to reality.
“So erm,… ” He pointed at the black box.
“Well, sir I called you a while ago and told you about a device that can make your business transactions go smoother with little or… ”
Chief cut in. “Oh… That was you. Impressive. So how does it work?”
“I have to stand next to you to show you sir.”
Chief Edgar smiled. He liked the idea of a young body next to his. He wanted to catch a closer whiff of the scent that had been drifting into his nose since the young man walked in.
“Okay.”
Caleb picked up the box and walked over to the other side of the table. He opened the box to reveal a tiny injection containing a green liquid.
“But how does this… ”
In a swift and accurate move, Caleb picked up the needle and jabbed Chief Edgar in the neck. He covered the old man’s mouth with his hand in order to muffle his choking sounds. When he was sure Chief was dead, he turned his seat towards the big windows with his back facing the entrance. He pulled out a tape recorder and began to play it, increasing the volume enough for someone outside the door to hear it. It was a phone conversation between Chief and another person that had been recorded. Caleb knew that by the time the recording played out and the big wolves begin to suspect something, he would be long gone.

* * * *

As Caleb stepped out of the office, he had a huge smile on his face.
“How did it go?” The big breasted receptionist asked.
“As I expected it would.”
She gave him thumbs up. “Congratulations.” She slid a paper to him, containing her contact. “Call me” She mouthed. Caleb smiled. He was tempted to cup her face and tell her, “in few minutes, this would be the least of your worries”.
“Oh, Chief doesn’t want to be disturbed. He’s on a very important call.”

* * * *
As he stood in the elevator, watching the doors close, he took one last look at the operating ground of the tyrant known as Chief Edgar The head of the snake had been cut off. It was time to move in for the kill.

Night Shift

“Aunty, please help me. My brother is dying.”

Simi hastened her footsteps. Her boss had delayed her for another 30 minutes, eating into her time. Now she was running late and Caleb had called her three times in the last ten minutes. She winced as her feet hurt in her tight 2-inches heel. She blamed herself for not wearing more comfortable shoes. But then, she had a major presentation at work that was to determine her career advancement. It had been a major success and she could already smell her promotion letter.

“Aunty please, help us.”

She slowed her pace partly because her feet were really beginning to hurt and partly because she couldn’t bear to ignore the poor girl any longer. She could hear the pain in her tiny voice. She turned to the little girl who had her head bowed. She couldn’t be more than 7,8 years old. The mass of hair on her head seemed to have caked from what seemed like months of negligence. Draped over her was what was left of what would have been an oversized shirt; its original color, long lost. Her feet were heavily covered in dust and bare. She heard her sniffing and it tugged at her heart.

“What did you say your problem was?”

The little girl’s head remained bowed. “It’s my little brother. He’s lying sick in a corner and I’m afraid he won’t last the night.”

Simi looked at the throng of people rushing home after a hard day at work. She wondered why the girl had chosen her and gritted her teeth. She didn’t look anything close to a doctor; not with her mid-length, body fitting gown that accentuated her curves. She smiled at the possibility that the girl chose her because she looked rich. But the smile faded when she realized rich people don’t trek and hassle for a bus in a crowded bus stop at the close of work. Her phone began to ring in her purse. She didn’t need to check to know it was Caleb calling again.

“What do you want me to do now?”

“Please, just come with me and take a look at him.”

She tapped her feet impatiently. She was torn between leaving the girl on the streets and helping her. But she couldn’t get the thought that someone might die because of her out of her head. If her brain wasn’t tugged at by pain receptors, she would have realised the unkempt street begger oddly spoke impeccable English.

“Take me to him.”

Simi followed the little girl as she turned and led her back the way she was coming from. She wished the girl would walk faster. The pain shooting up her feet was becoming unbearable. Almost immediately, the little girl turned into a tiny path between two buildings. She craned her neck and couldn’t see anyone in the distance. Night was beginning to draw near and she was afraid she was being lured into a trap. She could get robbed, raped or even worse. Just when she was about to change her mind and turn back, she heard the sound of a child whimpering. It was a cry of somebody in pain. They got to the end of the path and the girl turned right, leading her to the back of one of the buildings. It was full of junk and judging by the state of the building, it was apparent that it had been abandoned for a while.

The little girl pointed. “He’s in there.”

Right in between two tires was a human form wrapped in heavy, dirty clothe. The girl stepped aside, letting Simi know she wanted her to take a look at her sick brother. Simi squatted and with two fingers, carefully lifted the corner of the basket. What she saw made her fall back. There was indeed a small boy underneath but his chest had been torn open and most of his organs missing. She heard a cackling laugh and slowly stood up, afraid to turn for the fear of what she might see. From the corner of her eye, she could see a shadow rising against the walls. She finally turned and her scream was caught in her throat. The little girl was no longer there. Warm liquid drizzled down from between her legs as she stared at the sight before her. There was no place to run.

“Please.” She said. But she knew that was only in her head as fear had paralyzed her tongue and every other part of her body. She felt a yank in her mid-section and saw the creature put in her mouth what looked like a string of sausages. She ran her hand across her stomach and realized there was a gaping hole.

She fell down in a heap and with tears running down her face, she thought of Caleb. Caleb, her boyfriend of nine months had popped the big question the night before and had convinced her to fly out with him to a resort in Ghana the next morning. But she had turned him down so she could jump on the career opportunity that had presented itself. Instead, she had ended up as dinner to an organ-eating monster. As the light in her eyes dimmed, she watched as the creature once again returned to her normal human-girl self. She gave an evil grin as she covered Simi with the dirty clothes.

The last thing she heard were her footsteps growing distant. As the last bit of life left her, Simi knew the little girl was on a mission to find a new victim.

The Shadow Hunter

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It’s high time somebody developed an app that will allow people switch off their shadow when they want to because apparently, having a shadow is now a crime in Lagos. Some nights ago, my sister and I were rushing to catch a bus at new garage when she decided to stop by to price a pair of slippers. If you have spent ample time in Lagos markets, experience would teach you that you are not allowed to stand in front of someone’s “market” except you are buying something from them.

So, there I was standing next to the guy selling the slippers with my hands crossed across my chest when I heard, “Aunty, your shadow dey block my market.” Ehn? I turned and it was the guy selling okrika shoes on the right. I rolled my eyes and ignored him.

“Aunty, move now. Your shadow dey block my market.” At this point I was beginning to get pissed. I took a very good look at his “market” and just hissed. His wares had been spread on a very large sheet and I could barely see how my tiny shadow was deterring him from getting customers. It’s like this man was trying to give me a piece of his frustration. I turned my back to him. At this point, he started mumbling some words. I was tired of his drama.

“Oga, I no dey stand for the front of your market. Which one be my shadow dey block your market?”

“Move to the other side, your shadow dey block my market nao.” He was beginning to sound rude and then began to approach me. Does he want to beat me or what? I stood rooted like the tree planted by the rivers of water. I shall not be moved.

“I can stand wherever I want. I’m not in front of your market, so please stop harassing me.” He started speaking gibberish upon nonsense, raising his voice. Lagos people who don’t dull themselves had begun to tune their ears to the drama.

“Oga, no be here I go sleep. When we are done, I would leave. No dey talk to me anyhow.” The whole thing was so ridiculously funny because there was a whole lot of space in between the two displayed wears. Apparently, my shadow was standing in front of his market and that is also violation of market space. Lmao.

He then turned to the guy attending to my sister and started shouting at him. “You see wetin I dey talk now? I tell you say make you no arrange your market reach this place. Now, see as your customer shadow dey block my market.”

I was just laughing. Iru weyrey wo leleyi bayi? When I noticed he wanted to pick a fight with the other guy, I then switched to the other side to avoid unnecessary drama for the poor guy that had kept quiet all along. But that wasn’t enough to keep the shadow-hunter quiet. He kept shouting and popping neck veins. Other sellers had to plead with the slippers seller not to respond to him. I then signaled to my sister we should leave because we earlier witnessed two guys trying to stab themselves in another part of the market. I don’t have hypo to wash blood off my white top, biko.

See, people are just mad in this Lagos.