Accidental Sidechick

This is a story of that awkward moment when you realize you’ve been parading yourself as a peacock when you are actually a chick. A side chick.

2012 was a rocky year for me in the dating circle. I made up my mind to stop dating regular boys and go for “church” boys instead. Maybe, just maybe they will have small sense. Little did I know that the devil wasn’t ready to get his hands off my case. He carefully wrapped one of his agents in the guise of a church boy and sent him my way.

A hungry me was walking down to the hostel one night when I heard angels singing. For a second, I thought we were experiencing pre-rapture performance. Except that the singing was coming from one man. Or should I say guy? I silently wowed at how sonorous his voice was and continued my waka. Then I heard, “excuse me.” I turned and behold, it was the heavenly-voiced choir master himself. “You look familiar.” He said. At this point, I had no idea that was one of the hottest pick up lines in town. So I smiled like a fish and told him he had mistaken me for someone else. He then told me his name, said he was on his way to fellowship and collected my number. That night he called me and I was in heaven. I kept fantasizing about how good looking he was; his shiny-fair complexion, his jet-black “jerry curls”, and lord…those pink lips.

This devil is a wicked devil sha. Knowing fully well fine guys were my weakness, he sent one my way and blocked all forms of reasoning in me. In a week, I had followed him to Sunday service, Holy Communion, Tuesday prayer meeting, Thursday cell meeting and even Saturday choir practice. He would call me every morning to know if I had read the devotional he gave me and at night to remind me to pray before I sleep. I fell yakata for this guy. Did I mention he was also the church pianist and a gospel musician? I had found my prince charming! or so i thought.

The next week was Easter so we went to a popular park here in Lagos. I can never forget that evening as we sat in the grass watching the kids play around. I was low-key choosing our baby names. J.M passed his phone to me. “Pick one.” He said. I looked at it. he had written, “I want you to be my; friend, sister, best friend, girlfriend, lover.” “Finally,” I screamed in my head. I deleted the rest and left “girlfriend”. Uncle smiled and then kissed me. It was at this point yours truly lost her last bit of common sense.

The week after, I invited him to my place. My mum has met virtually all my boyfriends (which by the way is a really high number. Right now, she’s tired of me and thinks i’m not serious with my life. shrugs.) I was also planning a birthday bash for my 20th birthday and by default, my new found, upcoming-artiste boyfriend said he would perform on that day. I was swoon.

Two days later was the day breeze was blown and we saw the yansh of fowl. I had no idea what pushed me to his Facebook page. I kept on scrolling and scrolling, reading the comments and all. There was nothing to see yet I didn’t stop. Then I saw a comment. “I miss you baby.” My heart was beginning to do tum-tum. The FBI in me would not allow it rest so I slid into her inbox and messaged her. “Wow, are you and J.M dating?” she replied, “yes”. Alarms went off in my head. I called J.M and asked him who J.F was. He said she was his brother’s fiend in Kano who liked him but they only spoke once. He was so convincing that I was mad at her for trying to snatch my boyfriend. So I went back to her inbox and told her to leave my boyfriend alone. I was busy flexing chest for a boyfriend that wasn’t even up to a week old! Are they not doing me like this? Then she dropped the bombshell. They had been dating for 8 months. Funkeeee!!!! Aye mi temi bami. I did not know when my eyes turned to water factory.

I left home for school (school was on break though), cancelled my birthday plans without telling anyone why. From there, I gathered all the party money and traveled to Ife without my parents knowing. I was trying to run away from the heartbreak and needed a new environment. The next day after I arrived in OAU, I was in the café checking my last semester’s result when I saw J.F had posted something on my Facebook wall. She went to my wall to call me all sort of names, said she had spoken to J.M and he told her I was the one who forced myself on him. To add insult to the injury, she ended with “Thank you for taking care of my man while I was gone. Now I’m back, you can leave.” I was on a call and the moment I read it, the phone in my hand fell and scattered on the floor. The guy beside me kept asking, “Are you okay?” I couldn’t say a word. The betrayal of trust combined with the insults just hit me where it hurt the most. My water factory started running again. “Is it your result? Was it bad?” He had heard me talking about it with my friend over the phone. I shook my head no. “Then what is it? Why are you crying?” Like a zombie, I pointed at my Facebook wall. I still couldn’t find the words to say. I sat there, mummified as he helped me gather the pieces of my phone, logged me out of the computer and took me by the hand. I couldn’t even feel my legs as we walked out of the cafe.

The guy then took me to a cafeteria, bought me zobo and doughnut, gave me time to recuperate then patiently listened to my story. He went on to spend the whole day with me (lol. I’m going to write a spin off about this cos it was magical). It took me a while to recover from the experience. I had never felt that level of betrayal before. I was heartbroken, I was shocked, I was disappointed. If I can be duped by a church boy, biko who could I trust? He’s the reason I have never stepped into any branch of his church again. I also stopped trusting church boys especially those who have “jerry curls”. Hahahaha.

Have you ever been in such situation? Either as a side chick or side dude? How did you find out? How did you respond to it?

Please, share your experience in the comments.

6 thoughts on “Accidental Sidechick

  1. Ufuomaee says:

    Lol!!! You are indeed a talkative! I love the way you write, like you are sharing gist 😁 Found you from the review you did today on Bella Naija! Really good review too. I hope you’ll check out my stories on Okadabooks oh and drop your review for me 🙂

    Anyway, really loved this story and will be checking out more of your blog. Have a lovely day!

    Cheers, Ufuoma.


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