Because I love you.

Dear baby brother,

It breaks my heart to see you cry every time. It breaks my heart watching you blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault. I did what I did because I had to. I did what I did because I love you. If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn’t  change my decision.

I remember rushing down to you as soon as i came into town. I remember teasing you about how tall and skinny you had become. I remember asking you if you were finding things tough with school. I remember the look on your face when you said you had stuffs to tell me. I remember how you tried to tell some jokes when I began to scold you. I couldn’t believe the things I just heard from you. Suddenly, you were no longer the ‘baby brother’ I knew but a troubled teenager caught up in bad vices. You said you were going to be fine. I didn’t think so or you wouldn’t have requested to see me urgently.

Then everything changed in a split second. You probably still wonder how I knew. But I knew. I knew they came for you. You had your back to them and had no clue what was about to go down. When I shoved you to the ground, you thought I did it because I was mad at you. I could see it in your eyes as I didn’t take my eyes off you. I watched as your expression changed from shock to horror. You caught me before I hit the ground. They had sped off before you realized what just happened. I had so many things to say to you at that moment but we had run out of time. With a weak smile, I left hoping and praying it wasn’t all in vain.

It’s been two years since I took a bullet for you. I can say I am proud of the man you are growing to become. I am glad you got your studies in check. I am glad you changed your circle of friends. I am glad you are doing something good with your life now. But most importantly, I am glad you made your way straight with God.  Its really unfortunate it took something tragic for you to set yourself straight, but I would come back and take more bullets for you if I have to.

I need you to know I hold nothing against you. You need to stop beating yourself up. You didn’t kill me. I chose to die for you. That is how deep my love for you runs. Stop crying now. Its my birthday. Go out there and celebrate the short but good life I lived. I wouldn’t have asked for a better brother. Go on. Leave my tombstone. Your tears are making my ghost friends very uncomfortable. The flowers are truly beautiful, but I’ll rather you give them to that girl you like. Seeing you happy is just enough. I’ll always be with you. I may be gone but am far from gone. And if you ever find yourself asking why, remember its because I love you.

With love from the other side.

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